Keeping God First in a Modern Dating Landscape: Navigating Love with Faith

Introduction: Setting the Stage for Intentional Dating

I never thought I would be here again. Dating seems to be one of the most unstable, frustrating and...GHETTO experiences of my life now. Before my true yes to God, it seemed easier because it was easier. I didn't really have a standard or didn't care to listen

to my inner thoughts of disappointment because I was just doing me. I was still dealing with traumas and voices that condoned my bad decisions and preferences. When I started my Jesus journey, not only did my marriage fall apart but I ended up back in a dating world that evolved and changed drastically from the one I left behind years ago. The only difference now was that I was healing and knew what I wanted, what I didn't want and had a plan for my life. The closer I get to God the more I realized I didn't want to tolerate or be with JUST ANYBODY. In the beginning I realized that I didn't really understand how to date. There are a list of rules of what not to do, but no reference on how to date in the modern world in the bible. So what do I do? What do we do to navigate? We know God is the main priority, as we lean on Him, He begins to do a work and open our eyes to what is really meant for us. Here are some things that may help you navigate your dating season.

Understanding Your Identity in Christ Before Dating

You need to recognize and acknowledge your value. Despite what kinds of relationships

you been in. Types of people you had around you, the words you heard said to you and behind your back. You have value, especially to God. Letting go of the lies that you deserved what you got or are unworthy of true God ordained love is crazy. In your healing, your true worth is revealed to you. Getting out of the battered self-esteem, giving yourself credit, and speaking to the your spirit allows have faith in the person that God created. Strengthen that person and get to know them so when people try to tell you the opposite of the truth you can immediately combat the lie with the truth. Establish

boundaries, you know what you like and what you don't but make sure to align those with what God says. Stand on Mathew 5: 37 "But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one". Whatever decisions/boundaries you make it the answer, don't spiral and don't compromise and lean on the Holy Spirit for guidance. You have to pray, ask God for clarity and fast if you know how to receive the understanding of how to move now in this new season with intention in dating.

Recognizing the Purpose of Dating Through My Journey

Identify why you are dating in the first place. When you start to pursue or become open to being in a relationship, what are you looking for in that relationship? For me these wants and needs changed in my journey. Now that I am becoming confident in my calling and walking straighter and talking nicer to me, I noticed my need in a partner was also different then it was before. Now I need someone who has passion and drive, understanding to my relationship with God and has one their self. They don't need to match my energy but they need to respect it and be going in the same direction. If God is my direction, they need to be going in that same direction. You need to look at your wants and needs in this season. Test your relationships through the lens of faith, are you evenly yoked? Do you both believe in the same things. Will they elevate me in God or distract me from God? Do they pray? Do they encourage? Are they a provider? How will they help me grow and not stay stagnant. Yes this all seems like a lot to think about with a laundry list of other things to look for and observe, but this is the point of intentionally dating with God.

Navigating Pressure and Expectations from Society and Self

Dead the idea of if everybody else is doing it than I can do it too. Also, letting go that you have to keep up with what you see to be relevant. In this journey, there was a harsh reality that I needed to keep up with social media and popular culture. I had to have a certain look, I had to act a certain way, I had to do certain things. Up until I got tired of

faking. Being in constant relationship with God made me realize that I am above all the hype. I don't need to put myself out there the way I see it, I don't need to be half naked, I don't need to be aggressive to get respect, I don't need to people please anyone I love. There is something attractive about someone who does the opposite of what is being presented in the world. I am allowed to have standards and expectations. My decisions and understanding that if what I present is not what they want, I am ok with them leaving or not perusing me anyway. You have to look at it as if they were not meant for you in the first place. Once my mind was renewed in God, I began to see everything differently and what is for you is for you and when it isn't.... it AIN'T!

Handling Disappointments Without Losing Faith

This journey also teaches you about the blessing of it not working out if you let it. When you being to reflect back at the relationships that didn't work, don't work, and don't seem to work in the first place, you open up your mind to lean on God's will. If this didn't work or hasn't work, then God must be behind it. Now that we know that ALL things work out for our good, we can draw the line to even this will work for my good. What did He keep me from? There must be something way better coming for me later. Trusting God's timing is so important while dating. Since we are killing the idea of I need it right now, forcing situations that are not God ordained, and moving forward with our purpose and God-fidence, then that means I need to trust His timing and not my own. The breakups, ghostings, and setbacks are not a negative thing. They are setups for something or someone better. Yes we may feel loneliness, but we are not alone. God is right there and continuing to talk to Him through the process will alleviate the stress and uncertainty the more you press into Him.

Building a Faith-Centered Support System

The final and most important thing to do while dating with God in mind in these very murky trenches is building a solid support system. No, not people that will support you in doing the things that we are trying to leave behind, but people who will keep you accountable and on track. These are the types of people who will remind you of your worth. Remind you of what God says. Pick you up when you feel lonely or if you slip. People that will help you pray and stay focused. My best friend was sent to me right

before I started this journey, when I tell you she keeps me in check I mean that. I tell her everything, even though it took me a while to get there. I allowed myself to heal and trust that God answered my prayer in a counterpart that will keep me focused on him and remind me of who I am, what I want, and what I am not going to go back to. Finding a solid church home also helps. This is where you find community and others who are experiencing what you are. They help pray and stay in your word to know the difference between right and wrong - God and other. Most of all keeping God at the center of it all. Good, Bad, or Indifferent...God is always there and He will always be there in the dating trenches.